110 percent!!!

Yeah, here is it, the post you've all been waiting for. WOOOOOOOOO!!!

Most bloggers celebrate when they reach 100 posts, but I'm more dedicated than that. More determined to give you the good stuff. So rejoice with me now on the occasion of my 110th post.

This is it!!! One hundred and ten. Just like everything in my life, I go above and beyond! One hundred and ten percent baby!!! Did you hear what I said?? Well, if you don't hear anything else, then you need to hear this:

Whether you like it, or you don't like it, you better learn to love it...'cause it's the best blog going' today! WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

One Hundred and Ten posts of sweet soul daddy!

To commemorate this event I have constructed an imaginary interview between me and the only person on this planet who was ever talented enought to conduct such an interview on the occassion of my 110th post. That's right, the one and only, GORDON SOLIE!!! (I'm sure that if he were still alive he would do it for real, but since he is dead, I can only type what I know he would say.) Here goes:


GS: So, Crotalus... can I call you Crotalus?

Crot: Yes you can, Gordon.

GS: So, Crotalus, tell us all about the strategy you've used to bring this blog to the heights of literary greatness that it has so obviously attained.

Crot: You know, Gordon, you come in here, week in week out, and you just take all your heart, all your soul, your body, all that strength, all your sweat blood and tears, all your hopes and dreams, all that stuff and you bring it to the keyboard and your legions of fans...yeah let's not forget the fans, you know who you are, the ones who added me to their blogrolls, the ones that post comments, the ones that say 'hey man I read your blog today' when they pass you in the hall at work, and even the thousands upon thousands that lurk and never say a word, but you know they're there anyway. Yeah it's all for them. Without them, this blog would be nothing!!!....But as I was saying, you bring all your spirit, all your heart, all your YOU and you sit down at that keyboard and it looks back at you and says "whatta you got, punk?" And you just grit your teeth so hard they crack and you look back and you put your fingers on the homekeys and you say. "WHAT I GOT? WHAT DO I GOT? YOU JUST GET READY CAUSE IT'S ABOUT TO ROLL ALL OVER YOUR FACE BABY!!!"

And then you bring it. You bring it hard and you bring it in an onslaught of verbal ninjatude that leaves even the 'q' key beggin for relief. And you leave it all on that keyboard. Everything!!! You leave it there for the whole world to see and marvel at. And when you finally hit that 'publish post' button you do so with the knowledge that you held nothin' back. THAT'S WHAT I SAID, NOTHIN'!!! Are you hearing me, Gordon?

GS: Loud and clear, Crotalus.

Crot: Yeah, like I was sayin'. You know you aint held nothin' back! You gave it One hundred and ten percent baby, cause that's how you roll! That's the strategy I used, Gordon, 'cause that's the only strategy I know!

GS: There you have it folks, right from his own---

Anonymous Poster: Ah, you're blog aint so great.

(Crotalus takes a step back, stunned at the intrusion)

GS: Wait a minute, what's this? We have a voice of dissension, I think.

(Crotalus steps forward again, taking the microphone from Gordon.)

Crot: Oh it's only you. Yeah, I've noticed you here and there. Hiding behind that mask of anonymity. What you say doesn't matter, cause brother you aint even got the guts to put a name with it. Besides that, you are borderline illiterate. You used the contraction for 'you are', when you should have just said 'your'. It's 'your blog', you idiot. Not 'you're blog.'

AP: Drivel, senseless drivel. Heck, even this is drivel.

Crot (gritting his teeth so hard they crack): Remember brother, you asked for this. (Headbutts AP and reaches up with the microphone cord.)

(Someone hands Gordon another mike, a cordless one)

GS: Holy smokes!!! Crotalus just wrapped the microphone cord around Anonymous Poster's neck and is dragging him into the squared circle. I am not believing what I'm seeing!!!

Crot (screaming from the center of the ring): What you gone do when the freighttrain rolls all over you baby!!! WOOOOOO!!!!

GS: Crotalus has him in a sleeper hold folks, with the cord still around his neck. It looks like it's all over for Anonymous Poster. But wait what's this???

(Commotion from the edge of the ring)

GS: I don't believe it!!! It's Xclaiadj229p98@botsrus.net and he's got a chair!

X: This is for all the 'bots you've blocked or deleted!!! (Slams the chair down on Crot's head)

GS: Looks like Crotalus is in serious trouble folks. He's down. I think he may be out. Xclaiadj229p98@botsrus.net has taken the cord from around Anonymous Poster's neck and is helping him to his feet. Oh no!!! They are both kicking Crotalus while he's down. I can not believe what I'm seeing. I think Crotalus may already be unconscious.

Crot's wife: What the heck are you still doing on that computer?

Crot: Uh, nothing. Just uh...putting up my 11oth post. Uh. It's like a commemorative thing. All bloggers do it.

Crot's wife (looks at the monitor, frowns): I'm going back to watching Survivor.

(Sorry about that, folks...back to our ...uh, whatever it is we're doing)

GS: We're back and it looks like it's all over for Crotalus. He's really taking a beating at the hands of these two--wait a minute. His left arm! It's twitching. He's awake. Uh-oh, he's raising that left arm. What's that? It's the 'C'! He's holding up his left hand in the sign of the letter 'C'!!!

Crot: "POW!!! Take that you corrupted piece of hack code!"

GS: He's just knocked the living daylights out of X. Unbelievable. He's got the chair. Crotalus has the chair. OH!!! That is gonna leave a scar! He's just put X completely out of business. Now he's turning to Anonymous Poster. OH DEAR LORD, HE'S GOING FOR THE MASK! It looks like he's got it halfway off now. I can't believe it. Crotalus is going to unmask Anonymous Poster right here in front of everyone in cyberspace. He's got it off!!! I don't believe it!! It's ...IT'S. Well, just look for yourselves folks, cause I am at a loss for words.

(More commotion as the now unmasked Anonymous Poster scurries out of the ring and over to Gordon's podium. When the cameras steady on him, we realize that it is none other than:


Andy Kaufman: I'm the King of Wrasslin'...I'm the King of Memphis Tennesee!!

(Crotalus tosses the mask aside and steps out of the ring. He's shrugging and making his way over to Gordon and Andy.)

Crot: Dude, uh. I dig all you tried to do for wrestling, and well... you know Taxi was great and all, but uh...you're uh...you're dead, dude.

AK: Well, so is Gordon.

GS: He has a point, Crotalus.

Crot: Okay, okay. Fair enough. But why, man? Why all this anonymity? Why come in here and deride my blog on the occasion of my 110th post? That's cold man.

AK: You don't get it?

Crot: Frankly, no I don't think I do.

AK: You remember the boost Jerry Lawler got when I started that feud with him. I realized his brilliance and through my influence and Hollywood connections I got the guy a guest spot on the most sought after late night talk show in the world.

Crot: You mean???

AK: That's right. Letterman, baby. You and your blog are going all the way to the top. Nothing can stop you now.

Crot puts out a hand, Andy shakes it. They turn and walk away as the crowd goes wild.

GS: What an unbelievable ending folks. Wow! I can honestly say that Crotalus does indeed give one hundred and ten percent here on the occasion of his 110th post. I have never seen anything like that in my life.


*****

P.S. The eighteenth of this month will be the one year anniversary of this blog. You don't want to miss it. I promise. It's going to be simply glorious.

Peace,
Crotalus